I think musicians should rule the world. Life would be much more toneful. And that of course being the point of life, life would then be perfect. And if you now make just a few egocentric logical leaps, we can quite fairly come to the conclusion that musicians are perfect. So as a perfect musician who is looking forward to ruling all the civilians (non-musicians) one day, I would like to hereby ban the following phrases from all gear message boards:

–’Hands Down’–

Example:

SRVStratorawk: “What is the best compressor for that Jimi Hendrix post-punk sound?”

EpiTone: “Barber Tone Press, hands down.”

OnlyGibsons: “What other compressors have you tried it against?”

EpiTone: “My friend’s Barber Tone Press.”

–’Nails’–

Example:

FenderForever: “Which amp will get me closest to that Gilmour-esque” tone?”

DreamsofEpicness: “My Fender Frontman with a Digitech Bad Monkey hitting its front end just nails that Gilmour tone.”

(Other people will then comment, but I think this speaks for itself. Oh, and ‘Gilmour-esque’ should be banned as well.)

–’Tone for Days’–

Example:

Nope. Just don’t do it. Ever.

–’Delivered to Your Door’–

Thank goodness! Because the last guy chose the Fedex option ‘Delivered to the Target Down the Road’, and I had to go pick it up and risk seeing Robert Pattinson’s face plastered everywhere. Seriously, people. Are we all idiots and if we’re choosing between two Xotic AC Booster’s at the exact same price, we’re going to go with the one that says ‘delivered to your door’?

I’m so banning these when I rule the world. Oh, and I will also decree Robert Pattinson as not existing.

Splendid.
Karl.