The Greatest Invention in History

The word ‘post.’

It can be used for whatever you like, and always makes you sound not only intelligent, but indie-intelligent. Just put ‘post’ before any thing you like, and you automatically sound like a college-educated artist with a hobbit-half-beard, sitting in a non-chain coffee shop on the post-fashionable (see what I just did there?) side of London. Well, at least in your mind. The church has been doing it for years. ‘Ya, we’re a post-modern church.’ No one knows what it means, but it sounds fantastic! Seriously! You should try it.

‘What type of effect was that?’
‘Oh, just kind of a post-delay type sound.’

What does that mean? I don’t know. Sure sounds cool, though. And as a bonus, no one can really wrap their minds around what it means; yet it doesn’t quite sound like nonsense. So, not only do you sound cool, you also get this rad emperor’s-new-clothes effect……where no one wants to say that they have no idea what you’re talking about out of fear of not sounding as cool as you quite obviously are. Genius. Sure, it’s supposed to mean ‘after’ or ‘later.’ But does that stop us? Oh, absolutely not.

‘How would you describe your band’s sound?’
‘Eh, kind of like a post-grunge quasi-Eddie Vedder style.’

(‘Quasi’ is another awesome one.)

‘How’s the food here?’
‘It’s good. Like a post-euro lounge menu.’

‘Did you like that movie?’
‘It was alright. Little too post-noir for me.’

‘How should you keep your tone even at low volumes?’
‘Post-phase inverter master volume.’

(Wait, that one’s real.) ‘Post-true bypass.’ (There we go!)

‘What do you do for a living?’
‘It’s like a post-economy marketing portfolio.’

‘What type of tubes should I get?’
‘Look for some JJ’s. They have this killer post-vintage sound.’

‘What denomination is your church?’
‘You know. We’re part of that new post-non-denominational movement.’

‘What time is it?
‘Eh, around post-6:30.’

(That one actually works. Try it.)

‘How do you run your ministry?’
‘We try to use the post-John-Piper model.’

‘Did you leave your headlights on?’
‘No, I’ve got that post-Audi technology in my car.’

‘Did you drop your watch?’

(Oh ya.)

‘What do you believe?’
‘I’m part of that post-Judeo-Christian mindset.’

Greatest invention ever. Intellectual-cool, without any need of the ‘intellect’ that normally accompanies ‘intellectual.’ And I’m definitely using this from now on. Watch out for my new ‘Post Ooh-Wah Demo.’ 🙂


0 thoughts on “The Greatest Invention in History

  1. Hey, my band is considered a post-grunge quasi-Eddie Vedder style… Did you take that off our myspace?

    Great post… er blog… ah combined characters that make up something coherent… very post editorial… that works.. yeah I’,m pretty sure that works.

  2. Randy–whoa. You just hurt my head. lol I can’t figure it out!

    Augustpraise–lol ‘Post editorial!’ I love it. Sounds smart. 🙂 And are you guys really post-grunge? haha I’m checking.

  3. That statement makes no sense to me either, similar to “post-modern” I suppose. 🙂 I tried it out on our Japanese interpreter once when I was stationed in Japan. I think he blew a tube.

  4. The guest worship leader from the OC today turned out to be a post-guitar worship leader. That means he brought his sketchy acoustic (forgot his strap), claimed to not know all of the chords/arrangements, and then didn’t end up playing any acoustic guitar. I ended up playing post-lead guitar which was so post that I ended up playing his chords. The best part was early on when he asked me where to capo for each song. My blank stare should have told him that electric = post-capo 🙂 He sang like the guy in Third Day – good times?!

  5. Randy–lol So did I!

    Dan–haha Oh, guest worship leaders. Sometimes you’re just left wondering…and wondering…

    Great use of the word ‘post’! 😉

    Nate–hehe Yes! The ‘esque’ is awesome. I totally forgot about that!

    Baggas–thanks, bro!

    Larry–ah!! ‘Hands down’!! I feel this sudden urge to adore Robben Ford and discuss nuances of amps I’ve never played! 😉 hehe

    Jed–but who needs those when you can just describe whatever you’re playing as ‘post-dotted 8ths?’ hehehe Although I might be inclined to agree with you. 🙂

    Randy–eh, I tried that. Little too post-dotted 36ths for me. 😉

    Rhoy–ya!! That was rock ‘n roll.

    Sam–Good form!

  6. This post was so post-post that I thought I should post my own post; which as it turns out is very quasi-editorial-esque. (in it’s own postedness way..)

    By the way, that big storm we had last week ruined my fence post. It was, you could say, post-storm post damage. Or, my post was post-toasties.

  7. My favorite example of the “post” syndrome is “post-rock”

    Another good element to add to a conversation to make you sound intelligent: ditch “therefore” and say “ergo” instead.

  8. In England post is what they call the mail “just pop it in the post” translation – just stick it in the mail.
    Maybe we can call you the ‘post’er-child for all things post related. Maybe we can be pro-active instead of reactionary. Maybe we can do things that make us pre- rather than post-. Wouldn’t it be cool if the church was doing things musically that the world wanted to copy?
    And, I agree with Cameron ergo sounds much for sophisitcated that therefore as long as it is used in the correct context.

  9. Tom–absolutely awesome!

    Cameron–ergo, I will now use it constantly. 🙂

    Mark Colvin–lol Good form! And yes, it’d be nice if the church did some original stuff, and original stuff that was actually good, rather than just being original for the sake of itself. 🙂

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