Sorry, everyone. I seriously promise…there’s some gear demo videos, mod videos, and effects usage demo videos on the way…I’m in the process of recording them as we speak. I’ve just been really busy…and well, let’s face it…probably being a loser and surfing gearpage rather than playing. ;) So, for now, I figured I’d just make fun of worship musicians. Always good times to be had by all there. And in the spirit of not taking myself too seriously, I have limited this to only things that I have done…or, unfortunately, am currently doing. So here ya go! (And feel free to add as you see fit.)

You know you’re on the worship team when…

  • when you’ve felt ‘post-modern’ and ‘emergent church-ish’ for doing a Third Day song.
  • when you’ve felt ‘post-modern’ and ‘emergent church-ish’ period.
  • when you arrive a half hour late to practice, spend 20 minutes setting up, and then ask if the band can start the whole set over so you can practice
  • when you won’t turn down
  • when you can apologize for not turning down, but explain quite honestly, that if you turn down, your tubes will cool…which will in turn irreparably harm the worship experience
  • when you actually believe the above statement
  • when you no longer associate with any ‘actual people’ at church…you just stay on stage between services and tune for 20 minutes
  • when you harmonize, play over, or syncopate every note of every song
  • when you don’t pray with the pastor anymore before the closing set, but turn your guitar’s volume down and practice: a) scales, b) your solo for the next song, c) random nonsense, d) all of the above, or e) all of the above so intensely, that the congregation can hear you even with your volume off
  • when you wear your ‘show clothes’ to church
  • when you are able to explain the afore-mentioned ‘show clothes’ as ‘stage clothes’ so as not to distract from the worship experience, even though said clothes are more expensive, tighter fitting, and slightly more Bono-esque than anything you wear the other 6 days of the week.
  • when you no longer need to listen to the pastor’s message…you’re now ‘mature by association’ by being on the worship team
  • when you have a bigger and more expensive rig than over half of touring, professional musicians
  • when you’ve accidentally-on-purpose referred to the church members as ‘the audience’
  • when you’ve accidentally-on-purpose referred to the church members as ‘civilians’
  • when you get that fake-surprised look when the ‘civilians’ come up after the service and comment on how big your board is. ‘Oh, this? It’s just a couple things I threw together.’
  • when you’ve totally bogarted every solo at full volume and with every gain pedal cranked, and then act bashful and embarrassed that people are ‘noticing you’ when the pastor comes up after worship and says, ‘Wasn’t that great worship? How about our guitar player?’
  • when you can’t name anyone at the church who’s not on the worship team
  • when you consider buying that 4th amp you don’t really need and that you profess is ‘really too big to bring to church except on Easter’, your tithe.
  • when you feel wronged that the altar call went so long that you had to cut a song
  • when you’ve started a grand total of 12 worship songs with the ‘Where the Streets Have No Name’ riff
  • when you’ve felt hip and on the edge and ‘post-modern’ for playing the ‘Where the Streets Have No Name’ riff in each of those 12 songs
  • when you’ve worked out in your bedroom 16 other songs that the ‘Where the Streets Have No Name’ riff could fit into, just in case the worship leader asks (or even if he or she doesn’t).
  • when you watch Hillsong United or Chris Tomlin cd’s as a group and then talk about all the things they do wrong, what you do better, and how much better your group does the songs they wrote.
  • when you are a rockstar. And it is undeniable.
  • when you consider every worship team who is able to draw more people, or get more ‘expressive’ worship out of their congregations or worship concert audiences, sellouts.
  • when you convince yourself that you only have 50 people at your church because any more than that would take away the intimacy of worship…until you get 1,000 people at your church…then the maximum number for intimate worship mysteriously changes.
  • when you use every time there are no lyrics to solo.
  • when having anyone else but yourself in the monitor is ‘distracting’.
  • when you have dotted eighth delay on for every song.
  • when you refer to your worship sets at church as ‘gigs’.
  • when you write blog articles entitled ‘You Know You’re On the Worship Team When…’

 

Splendid.
Karl.